No blog has felt as hard to start as this one. I can set the intention but that does not mean there is a comfort in writing my thoughts right now. I am not sliding into motivation with vigor to express words to share. It’s more like descending down a slide that doesn’t allow me to slip across its surface, and instead I’m feeling stuck as the surface rubs me the wrong way. As if by intentional design, I will not be propelled forward without resistance right now. Is it writers block that has me in it’s grip? I am not sure that words can even describe the stickiness in a way that encompasses the feeling, yet strangely I feel compelled to write anyway.
It’s been about eighteen months since I wrote a personal blog. There has been some trouble in that time, but troubled times are no news to me, and neither are the complicated feelings that come with troubled times. What is new and life altering however, is the way this trouble happened and the complex way in which I unraveled my vital spirit in the adaptation process of heavy changes. The connection to substance was not lost. It was not even toned down a little bit. It was and is, actually more tangible than ever, more vibrant and more abundant.
My blog absence had more to do with deleting content from the internet and a persistent desire to lose my Google presence. I worked diligently at removing any URL’s connected to my website blogs, before unpublishing and then archiving most of the blog content that I had published over the many years of journaling online. I still have some of the Create Vibrations blog posts here in my Notebook with new URL’s, but I deleted all the Leah Aurora- Journal content. It felt good to complete the clean-up task I’d set myself and I sat with that feeling for months reflecting on all the experience I’d gained from openly sharing my blogs for so many years. I welcomed the change, like it was my most trusted and regular visitor.
Now, do I give details of the specific trouble? Most of the details are private, I couldn’t imagine they’d serve anyone else in their troubled time but if you landed here reading this, than just perhaps there’s something in the creation of this moment that is interconnected and worthy of conjecture. Perhaps also, if I dive deep into the crevices of word form, I will be filled with the softness of vacancy. Those edges that I step off, where I am embraced by fortitude as I fall into the unknown sentence below me. Maybe the words will find a way out and settle into places that can create a picture of what I’d like to say. Maybe in my attempt at regaining blogging momentum, that picture will not be clear today and neither I, nor my expression, will find the fluidity of a word surge to make language waves of relevance. What I know for certain, is that I like the feeling of returning to blogging, but that doesn’t equate to having anything worthwhile to share with you at this time.
Now instead of more rambling words with no value, I will add something with more context. Yes of course that’s it. Simplify. Contextualizing words so there is substance and that substance can be translated immediately. Yes, that’s the sort of thing that matters most to me when I write and that’s also why I do it.
So along with this slightly tangent way of arriving at the end of this post, I’d like to share another display summary of Create Vibrations pattern designs. Here’s a stitched photo edit of the @createvibrations Instagram art collection for 2021-2022. What it takes to create these designs, is creatively written into the the caption that accompanies them on Instagram. I’d like to steer myself in a direction where words become less of a focus to sharing my pattern designs because I know something more substantial awaits me. I’m almost ready to let go, I’m at the edge and I’m filled with the anticipation of the unknown. I’m trusting that pattern designs will guide me as I flow through the currents of my creative ambition. I’m looking forward to bringing others along for the ride. It’s a fun energy to be sharing with you and I thank you for being here.
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